the queen of hearts is always your best bet

NEW LJ:

stephiechew

GOGOGO

i made a new account
since i'm sick of this one
and the stupid name
and all the old posts i have

new account name= stephiechew

its not like anyone really reads this anyways.
i just like to blab about my feelings :)

overall i've been pretty happy lately.
I'm not really sure why, I think I'm just dilerious.
I'm moving in 16 days. scary thought.

things werent too good for a while though.
I wasn't doing good in school; still not.
there was all this chaos with getting new carpet going on
and the boy I liked for over 8 months was finally gone for good.
it wasn't a good feeling. at all.
it was my fault though.
I always make dumb mistakes
and I always say the wrong thing.
but after a few weeks I was fine.
until I saw he had a girlfriend.
after he didnt reply to anything I sent him.
now I just consider him a jackass.
he really is. he's a selfish jerk.
he always was and I just didn't realize it.
I wanted to be happy so badly I didn't care.
I always came crawling back.
but not this time :) fuck him.

maybe I'll find someone better.
but until then I'll just try and get my life going.
boys like him always slowed me down anyways.
I'm thinking after I fail out of high school,
I'm going to take classes at BCC
and try and go for some type of career in photography.
I know I'll never make it in music.
although I am playing my own music in kentucky this summer.
going to a music workshop with my dad.
I'm going to get help with my music from a professional
then I get to perform it later
its in an outdoor theatre about the size of the paramount
but not many people will be there.
so it shouldn't be too scary.

my three life goals were to see
taking back sunday and brand new in concert
and to play my music in front of a crowd.
I already saw TBS
and I'm seeing brand new this summer.
so maybe im supposed to die soon or something.
haha. well, we'll see.

I'm going to bed now. <3

so I think I had one of those so called "life lessons".
After getting drunk on saturday night and totally fucking everything up
then crying saturday and sunday non-stop and throwing up
then having a talk with my sister about everything
I realized how pathetic I really am sometimes. most of the time.
I always seem to think being sad all the time
and making people feel sorry for me
is going to make people like me more.
but my sister kind of opened up my eyes
she told me she used to be like me back when she was all gothic and stuff
but she figured out it's un-attractive to be sad all the time
and people like to be around someone they know won't make them depressed
someone who can just be happy no matter whats going on in their life.
and minus my 1.9 GPA, my fucked up love life, and my fucked up family
my life doesn't suck at all. well compared to a lot of people.
I'm so lucky to have what I have. and I'm glad.
and I have learned to appreciate it.
I always used to look at the bad side of things.
But now after saturday, I've learned to look at the good side.
so from here on out, I'm going to stay happy no matter what.
and I'm only going to share my feelings to my close friends.
as for the rest of you, you shall never have to listen to me complain again.

<3

i don't like school.

but I also don't like that I was a jerk at the wrestling meet.
kelly, I'm sorry. I hope you can forgive me. you know I love you.

if I've ever been dumb or mean to anyone else, I'm sorry.
I don't know what's been wrong with me lately,
but I'm trying my hardest to make things better.

<33

I am greatful I have such wonderful friends that listen to my stupid problems and help me feel better :]
I love you guys!

tomorrow: physical therapy, workin on health project with liz, kats partyyyyyy woo.

friday: NOTHING. entertain me that day :]

saturday: NEW YEARS PARTY. comecomecome



those are my things to look forward to and keep me happy.

goodbye.

kelly is my rad concert and crazy whore buddy.
janaye is my phone and hooka points buddy.
kjerstin is my barbie girl singing wigger hillbilly
flying fish with no butt who loses at everything just like me.
marie is my soul sista/mango(e).
casey is 50% ninja, 49% pirate, and 1% business man.
sanje is a dumbass just like me. and the world needs us.
shelley is my sledboarding buddy.
alayna is my lucky star.
chris is my cool poetry and random buddy.
scott L. and i have no life.
scott T. is my super cool patient.
emily is my brightest little firefly.
katrina is my crazy wild fish (and i'm her mermaid)
taylor is my barney watching buddy.
stephany is my twin.

which shows that they are all on my cool list. and that i know too many scotts.
(because those arent the only ones i know).

do something cool and make the list 8-)

December 23rd (aka: my birthdayyy, or as mr brown would say "birthdee"):
night boarding up at the pass (central). starting around 4-5ish till whenever it closes.
you need to get your own ride please. and we will all meet up there.
and you can go on whatever runs you'd like
as long as you meet in the central lodge around 8 for hot cocoa.

8-)


December 31st: new years/last party in this house party.
if you have ever partied or even just been here you have to come!
because we are moving soon and this will be the last party.
and marie might come up if her parents let her.
and it will be good times.

comment or IM me or call me or text me for info

im excited for snowboarding this weekend.

i love casey's parents.
well actually, since casey is my BROTHA, i guess they're my parents too.

wooo

when you've got nothing,
you've got nothing to lose.

which i thought about today.
but i hate it when apologies don't work.
even if you know they had a part in it.
but you just want to make things right.
and then you have nothing left to do.
and i don't know what to do.

but oh well.

so i went to the chirpractor/back doctor/whatever today after school. and the doctor came in and was like "okay so..whats up" and i looked at my mom, then back at him and i was like "uh. my back hurts?" and my mom just laughed. then he asked me questions and then he touched my back and it tickled so i laughed really hard and then i felt dumb. then they just took another stupid x-ray where i have to wear weird shorts and a weird short that makes me look pregnant. and then he comes back and tells me i have to do physical therapy twice a week for 6 weeks then come back. and if it still hurts then...they are going to do either a catscan or a bonescan. and im scared :[ hopefully physical therapy helps.


and im going to start going to the gym again. even though i only weigh 117 but i guess the doctor said i need to build up or enzymes or something weird. and he looked at my arms and was like "wrap your pinky around your wrist" so i did. and it overlapped my other finger. and i guess i have really skinny wrists and its strange. but yeah.

today sucked. thats all i have to say.

i am posting a new one just for my amazing brother chris.

being sick during the weekend sucks.
and so does not talking.
why do i even bother saying hello to people
if eventually they are just going to stop talking
meaning long term, not like one conversation.

oh welll.

at least im going to be riding rollercoasters on thursday, friday, and saturday.
thats one thing that can make me happy.

chillin in the library with liz and josh

whats upppp

i'm getting sick and it sucks.

:[

health sucks.

tom would be 17 today.

kelly's fish, pedro, died today.

is that a sign?


well i miss tom anyway.
i really do.

and it seems like everything has been going downhill lately
and i can't stay happy, no matter how hard i try.

i don't know what to do about anything.

im just a screw up.
i always have been.
and i've gotten used to it i guess.
used to always losing.
used to nothing ever working out.
used to being put down.

so i guess it doesn't matter anymore.

so today we watched a movie in health about the difference between girls and guys and its hilarious. and so true.

im pissed. i was going to sign up for drivers ed at school, but kelly took the last spot. and we were going to be driving partners. :/

but im also excited for tomorrow.
going to seattle, then to jareds movie night thing.

except apparantly everyone has a "date" to it so they can cuddle when we watch scary movies. and of courseeeeeeeee i dont have one. so im going to bring a stuffed animal and be like what now bitches.

yeah.

bye bye piano